Mela Kamin – What I Say in between Songs

Purses must be on everyone’s minds lately. My friend Chris Ann & her BFF Kristin of LoveFeast Table just did their Fancy Friday about purses. So, when I saw Arianne’s post on her blog To Think is To Create, about what was in her purse (which is gorgeous, BTW), I had to join her. She was inspired by her friend Allison, who I saw at Blissdom, but never had the pleasure to actually meet (Confession: I may have been intimidated by her beauty and mad dance skillz).
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I love doing this. Something about it is so Let’s Make a Deal. And, what you might not know about me is that I LOVE a good deal.
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Which brings me to my purse, which is large, buttery soft, my favorite color – turquoise . . . and best of all … cost me less than $10 at a secondhand shop. I KNOW!
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Now, I have a lot of purses – mostly ones I’ve found here and there for a sweet deal . . . but this is the one I use most of all – probably due to its generous size & of course, the color makes me happy.
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And, here’s what’s inside:
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1. My kids’ Trident Layers gum
2. Kleenex® tissue packages (the circle R is for my rule-following PR friends)
3. Glasses case
4. iPhone in the beautiful turquoise flower case my husband gave me
5. Epi-Pens for my 5 year old, severely nut-allergic son
6. Service programs from the church we worshipped at in Wis. a few weeks ago
7. about a gazillion receipts
8. Notepad & card from an adorable faith-based preschool nearby
9. So lovely mini journal & glitzy pen from a dear designer friend of mine
10. Teal hair clip/claw thing
11. Broken butterfly bracelet
12. My VBS nametag from back in June
13. iPod
14. Phone charger
15. Coupons & gift cards
16. Lip Balm … Neutrogena, but my ultra fave is Aveeno
17. Toy Story 3 ticket stubs
18. Nail file, tweezer, Swiss Army lite card
19. Pens: Bic & Sharpie
20. Key chain charm from Healing House, a Minneapolis ministry we support
21. one lonely “P” earring that is my daughter’s
22. Business cards
23. Lemon/Mint Ricola – only kind I use
24. Exactly 85 cents

The singer & the photographer. Awwww.
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So my sweet husband told me a few years ago (ok, maybe he repeatedly told me over the course of our almost 12-year marriage) to find something I LOVE to do and DO IT! He may have added “for crying out loud” or “for Heaven’s sakes.” Either way, it was his not-so-subtle way of encouraging me to do the thing I wanted to do.
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Those comments were usually precluded by me whining about not EVER being able to get out and do anything. I’m sure I was complaining about having to do it all and feeling burned out, invisible and swallowed up by motherhood.
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So, when Greg would give me these little “get out of jail free card” comments, the little defensive hairs on the back of my head would stand up. I’d get on my martyr soapbox and tell him I couldn’t possibly leave.
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I wouldn’t say it, but I was fearing 1) giving up control over the parenting or the house or the whatever and 2) that I had no clue what it is I wanted to be doing.
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Even now, when I know what I’ve been called to do – I still have a hard time just doing it. And here’s why …
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I’m creative.
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There, I said it.
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I admit it. I’m somehow SO creative, I can’t narrow down what I want to do. I’m a creativity junkie. I play hopscotch with my hobbies. Just when I lean down to pick one up, another shiny new one appears and off I go. This would really explain the current state of my “craft/guest room” GASP!
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I love how a new hobby feels – the romance of it all . . . new, fresh, filled with possibilities, no marks of failure and regret. But, just like in a relationship, if all we’re looking for are “first love” feelings, we’ll miss the worn-in, constant love and deep connection we get from the one we’re currently in.
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So, am I cheating on my true calling, by going off and filling up my day with other things? In a word – Yes.
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Right now, I’m sitting writing, which I should’ve been doing about every. other. minute. today. Instead, I was blog hopping and reading – sure some scripture and insight, but also designs, crafts and art. I love all those things and they have their place in my life.
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But, in this moment my art is my writing and my music … not that other stuff. Because my hobbies and my calling are two separate things.
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I’ve always dabbled in a little bit of everything – I’m a Jane of all trades kind of person. I’m a quick learner, competitive and naturally creative. So, part of me wants to sew to show that I can. I want to display the quilt I made my daughter. I want to do a post about the desk I upcycled for her room. I want everyone to know I can succeed at those things too.
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But the truth is: I’m a show off and it’s about only one thing: stupid pride.
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I want people to like me. I want others to compliment my creativity, my brilliance, my skill and determination. But, that’s a soul-damaging path to set out on.
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Instead of devoting time to Him and to the calling He gave me, I’m working at things that give ME a momentary high and feed my pride instead of my purpose.
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One of the most convicting, challenging, effective, humble writers I read, Francis Chan said, “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”
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Ouch.
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Now, don’t misunderstand – I’m not knocking anyone else’s hobbies, skills, jobs or callings. I’m only talking about mine.
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4:10 Ministries is about encouraging people to use their gifts in service to others. 1 Peter 4:10 tells us that “Each one should use whatever gift He has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” That’s good stuff, people.
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Can you be a Mother, photographer, writer, baker, singer, designer, crafter, quilter, artist and serve? Absolutely! Many of my friends are doing just that – they not only discovered and developed their gifts, but they are sharing what they know, what they’ve learned, sometimes supporting their family through these gifts and blessings others through their insight.
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They are growing more into who they were created to be and it’s beautiful to watch.
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But, for me – my writing and music feeds my soul, gives back to the One who gifted me and allows me to sink deeper into His arms while I listen . . . something I should continually try to improve. The other stuff – it’s fine and fun – it soothes my creativity ADD like Oregon Chai Vanilla Latte fills a warm, yummy drink need.
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But in the midst of this chaos, my fear is that I will be so distracted by wanting to be popular, that I’ll miss using my gifts for His purpose. Popular looks enticing and slick and fun. Productive and purposeful = BOR-ING. But that’s society’s view isn’t it? And, I can’t view my calling & what I do with my time through the world’s warped lenses.
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Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

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I can’t think of anything better to renew my mind that digging into the Word. The fuller that well is, the more I’ll be able to draw from it.
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I know Pride isn’t gone for good. He’ll keep showing up and I’ll keep working at adjusting my focus from popular back to purposeful . . . renewing my mind to better see His will – His good. pleasing. PERFECT. will.
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Now, I’m off to work on a song. la la la la LAAAAAA
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I’m curious – Do you have a hard time focusing on what will be productive or purposeful, rather than what is popular?

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These days, I look around and all I see is a mess. I’m not just talking about my house. Of course, with three kids, a ministry, Greg’s full-time studio job, his freelance jobs and a new business on the horizon, we do have A LOT going on in our space.
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What I’m really talking about is the world, my parenting and my heart – mess, mess and double mess. And, to be honest, at my core, I’m a messy person. Sure, I look longingly at decorating mags and I have bought my fair share of organizing tools. Yet, with all that desire to make it happen, I can easily do other things instead of putting it into practice, because I don’t deem it important.
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Being the scatterbrained creative person I am, leads me to flit from one thing to another. My little artistic spurts of inspiration sometimes leave a disaster in my wake.
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That’s why I love what The Nester says: “It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.” Do I agree? Yes. But does it take away the wish to do it (whatever “it” is) better or compare myself to others? Sadly, No.
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This goes for my house, my parenting, my music, my everything.
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Yet I know the more we try to be the perfect example, the less attainable, touchable, relatable our lives seem to others … there’s no “me too” moments to share. And, therein lies the dilemma. How do I balance the knowing that there is no perfect, with the desire to eventually get there?
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So, I come back to The Nester quote often. It reminds me of another favorite quote from gifted speaker/author/singer Sheila Walsh, who says, “Our brokenness is a better bridge to others than our pretend wholeness will ever be.”
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We’re so busy putting on the disguise of perfection that we rob others of the chance to truly get to know us. We’re so embarassed by our past and shamed by our mistakes that we miss seeing in others what we once recognized in ourselves.

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I wonder what would happen if we looked up long enough from our own insecurity to reach out to someone? What then? Would they laugh at where we’ve been, what we’ve done, who we think we are now? I know when someone has shared a part of her story that I identified with, I sighed, I smiled (or cried) and I thought, “Someone GETS me. Someone knows what it’s like.”
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Now, about my house & heart mess – our home is generally a circus – Greg and I are both loud, gregarious, opinionated and creative. Plus, we’re both busy and disorganized (though Greg is much tidier than I). Throw in a 5 year old with a severe nut allergy, a 7 year old with a sensory processing disorder & the drama of a preteen daughter and you’ve got the makings of one interesting household. We live somewhere between slightly odd and borderline chaotic.
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I love my kids something fierce. Do they exasperate me? Yes. Do I fail them in my parenting abilities? Many times. Do I seek to follow Jesus more closely so my kids might learn about real love, grace and sacrifice? Absolutely.
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We’re not perfect and as much as I would like to clean us all up and get it right, I can’t. But I know the One who can and He never asks me to clean up before I come. He invites me – mess and all – to sit with Him, talk with Him and follow Him.
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You see, perfection is a mirage. You think you can see it in the distance – you know, when you have more time, money or ability. And, when you get up close to it, you notice it was never even there. The only perfection that ever was, is or ever will be is Jesus Christ. And, we all fall short of that . . . of Him. Yet, every minute we spend on this side of Heaven, we get lied to, and fall into the trap of thinking our family, our kids, our houses, our jobs, our bank accounts need to be something they are not.
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I say we should embrace all that we are (and aren’t), share what we’ve experienced – because there’s beauty in our brokenness. God can use it for good.
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He came to make something beautiful out of our mess.
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I’d love to hear what you think. Do you struggle with perfectionism and letting yourself be real with others?