You want me to do WHAT?!
I had been asking God that question more and more, as I began to no longer see the safe confines of my comfort zone. He was leading me into new areas, testing my faith and my abilities.
When I started listening to His whisper and felt His leading, I started to get nervous. Could He be serious? Could He really want me to do this? Was I brave enough, confident enough, crazy enough to take the leap of faith?
Let’s face it –I’m cautious and usually play it safe. I like to know how deep it is before I jump in. I don’t mind the jumping – I just prefer to have the facts before I make the decision. I don’t do spontaneous. Spontaneity is for those who have nothing to lose, who are so comfortable with themselves, that the thought of doing something out of the ordinary, is thrilling. That is not me. I purposely order the same thing at restaurants or even go out of my way to choose the same restaurants, to avoid potential bad experiences. Even if another dish would taste better, I’d prefer to take the one I’ve already experienced – if I enjoyed it; it’s my new, and for all intensive purposes, my future favorite. I like the chopped chicken salad at Pei Wei for instance and I could eat it (and for the record, have eaten it) every time I go there. I like predictable – I am predictable.
I figure it isn’t worth the risk. Now, I’m sure like with a lot of people, I wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t a daredevil by any means, but as a child, I guess I wasn’t as easily frozen by fear, as I am now. Of course, it could be maintained that I engaged in an activity, only after seeing if my older brother could do it first. That’s probably more accurate. And, I was raised in a household, where girl or boy, you are good at everything – you just do it! I wanted to be my older brother. He was fast and strong and could throw, kick, catch and hit. I was the only girl on the little league baseball team. Later on, he was the star running back in football and ended up being a state champion pole vaulter. How’s that for risk taker? He even broke his wrist when the wind swept him far over the pit and smacked him on the concrete. By that time in my life, I think some of the wanting to be him, had worn off – or at least, I was in high school and it was more important to have sprayed your hair into a wall of curls, than to win a track medal. Just for the record, though, I have plenty of those too.
So, somewhere between adolescence and first dates, I decided I needed proof of pay-off before I would partake. That’s definitely not a faith thing. Faith is believing even when you can’t see. I get that now, but it’s taken me 30-some years to get here. This is the first time I’m putting it into practice. Still, I have moments where I wonder if it’s just crazy, delusions of grandeur that have me in this position.
Stay tuned for more from “FIGHTING OFF FEAR TO FIND GOD’S FAVOR,” the new blook (blog book) from contemporary Christian artist, Mela Kamin.
