You hit, you sit
You hit, you sit is a response we used with our toddler who was, how should we say, more aggressive than other kids. I finally chose to leave playgroup because it had gotten to be too much stress for me to referee every playdate.
Well, today, I hit and I sat – I rear-ended the car in front of me, at a yield sign before a merge onto another street. Apparently my merging took place before the car in front of me got done yielding. Anyway, BANG! – we were going slow and it didn’t cause any structural damage – just some scuff marks on her bumper, but we had to stop and exchange information. I wasn’t happy. We were running late to get the kids to school and my daughter and I were in the midst of a debate as it happened. She was, in a word, sassing me, and I was frustrated. So, to add insult to injury, I was distracted, frustrated, impatient and I hit a wall – or a car in front of me, as it were.
I got out and apologized to the other driver, who was rather gracious about all of it. The hard part is still to come, of course. I still have to go through all the insurance mumbo-jumbo and tell my in-laws, whose van I was driving, about the fender bender – and explain the incident to my husband who is out of town in North Carolina for work. I also have to deal with the harshness with which I addressed my children once I was back in our vehicle. I was mad at the kids for fighting, for my daughter talking back to me, for not helping to pack her own lunch, which lead to us running behind schedule. I expressed my disgust for the morning’s happenings and dropped her off at school. I did not walk her in or wave to her, or smile at her or give her the sign lanuage “I LOVE YOU” as was our usual routine. I still had to take her brothers to their school and we were now on the verge of being very late. I was still hitting.
Once I got the kids to their classes, I wanted to return home – to vent and worry about the morning. But, then I thought about my daughter and how I started her day very poorly. I don’t excuse her behavior toward me, but I don’t excuse mine toward her either. I was going to skip prayer group, but I knew God wanted me there – not upset and stewing in my own juices. So, I went back to school to be with other Moms who pray for their kids and the school. It was very needed and healing. God brought up some things to me there that I needed to work on. OUCH!
Seems I hit a wall again – and needed to sit. I drove around between prayer group and picking up my preschooler. I tried to really think about showing my daughter the right reaction. I thought about all the times my reactions give her the wrong message about God and grace and forgiveness – and taking responsibility for our actions. I messed up.
I picked up my preschooler and we decided to pick up lunch for my daughter. Yes, part of our struggle this morning was over packing a lunch. I’m stubborn and I don’t like rewarding bad behavior, but this wasn’t about her sassiness. This was about me showing her I was wrong for my reaction to her and the accident. I delivered the lunch – couldn’t talk to her, but she saw me as I held up the lunch bag – and her look of surprise and delight warmed me. I put in a little note to tell her I’m sorry and I’ll tell her to her face when I see her after school, with a big hug, a smile and an I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes when you hit, you need a reminder that God wants us to be slow to anger & quick to forgive. I’m thankful that through prayer, I got that – now I’ll sit and rest in the knowledge of His grace & mercy and I’ll pray for better reactions the next time I stumble.
