Reluctant Entertainer Book Review & Giveaway
WELCOME is more about the smile on your face than the sign on your door.
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When Chris Ann & I met Sandy Coughlin, THE Reluctant Entertainer herself, at Blissdom, we were immediately put at ease. We dove into conversation and her warmth, inviting smile and genuine interest in what we were saying, made it so easy to share with her.
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We’ve kept in touch since Blissdom and I’ve marveled at how her blog, her writing, her home all reflect that same warmth I noticed when we first met.
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She’s become someone I truly admire, not for just WHAT she does, but HOW she does it.
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In every effort, she’s creative, generous and lovely.
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She contacted me back in the Spring to see if I’d be willing to partner with her on a giveaway of my CD. She wanted to do a Mother’s Day post, using inspiration from my song “These Hands.” I was honored and humbled to have been introduced to her faithful readers and friends.
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Not only was that a huge blessing to me personally, but she’ll often tweet, or email notes to me sharing her thoughts about my music, a specific song, or just a note to say hello. And, I look forward to each and every one of her blog posts. I’ve found her immensely helpful for someone like me who is largely disorganized and lacking important cooking skills and the confidence to entertain.
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It’s also been eye-opening for her perspective on the poison of perfectionism. In my music, my speaking and writing, I try to encourage others to use what they have right where they are. It’s interesting that I never took that same advice and applied it to entertaining in our home. I was still stuck in the “my house has to look a certain way for us to have people over” mindset. Or, the “when we get THIS done, THEN we can start entertaining.”
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You can imagine how excited I was when Sandy shared at Blissdom that she was in the process of having her book published. I was so excited for her and she beamed when she talked about the project.
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I’ve been following the progress, knowing from experience how much work it takes to publish something you’ve worked so hard on and poured yourself into. It’s no small task and there is so much behind-the-scenes work that no one ever sees. Going from a dream, to expectations of what we want it to be, and then seeing the finished product is all-at-once tremendous and terrifying.
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Cut to a week ago, and a stunningly beautiful book arrived in my mailbox. I love surprises, I love to read and I love Sandy – this was one awesome gift!
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Immediately, I knew the publishers and Sandy got it right. Everything about the book – its sleek, jacket-less outside, to its soft-lit photos, beautiful choice of fonts and lovely design work inside, pulled me right in. It had Sandy written all over it.
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I read 100 pages in my first sitting. I felt like I was sitting with a dear friend who was sharing her most prized advice for loving generously and graciously those around us.
And, I was.
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Sandy was right there on every page with her stories, inspiration and encouragement by the spoonful. It’s a book that speaks to you right where you are. It met me where I am and effortlessly cut through the old “this is the way you should do things.” She brings a fresh perspective to entertaining, shaped by Biblical wisdom, her Southern roots and her own life experiences.
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I’m about as reluctant as they come in regards to entertaining. I love the idea, but I’m horrible on the follow-through, which is why we hardly ever have people over. It’s too bad, really. I’m often focused on my mess and when we do plan something, it’s a mad scramble to get the place looking “good enough” to entertain. I put so much pressure on myself and my family that we’re often stressed out the whole day, leaving us worried about what others will think and exhausted from our self-induced pressure to perform.
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Sandy’s book couldn’t have come at a better time. We’re smack dab in the middle of Summer. Several times, I’ve thought about inviting our neighbors over, doing a progressive dinner or hosting a get-together for our kids’ classmates and their families. It hasn’t happened. For a couple in ministry, you’d think we’d be better at this.
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Admittedly, we have a lot going on – we have three kids … an 11-year old daughter, and 7 and 5 year old sons. Our children are spirited in every sense of the word. My house has lived to tell many tales. There are scuff marks, scratched and gouges in the once-shiny hickory pecan flooring. There are holes and dents in our Chrisp Khaki and Mississippi Mud walls. And, there are piles everywhere from our multi-tasking home: life, ministry, photography, motherhood, school, volunteering, hobbies, etc.
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But, Sandy put me at ease. Her gentle way of encouraging us to see beyond our insecurities and into the possibilities of connecting and fostering relationships, makes me want to do better. Aside from the obvious – have the neighbors over or invite friends for a game night – I’m thinking about our elderly neighbors who are WAY overdue for a visit, or the hard-working teachers who could use a meal every other week. What a wonderful idea!
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The book was filled with A-HA moments and it helped me to see the things I COULD DO, not what I couldn’t. That’s why I know it’s a book that will help reframe the way we do hospitality.
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We open our homes not to show off our stuff, but to make people feel good.
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Never have we had friends over and they’ve asked for a full tour of the house – no one has asked to see my closet, or look in our storage room. Not one friend has ever asked me to show the insides of my linen closet, the inhabitants of my junk drawer or to explain the amount of dust on the bookshelves. But, it doesn’t keep us from obsessing about it, does it?
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Sandy makes us see how silly that is, without shaming us. She puts her comforting arm around your shoulder and tells you it’s okay to let people in … into your home, into your life, into your struggles and into your circumstance. People are what’s important – not houses, or lamps or the latest this or that. Hopefully, when people come over, they’ll see I love the people in the house more than the house itself.
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I may still be reluctant, but I’m no longer terrified or stuck. I know now I can do it and in small ways, I can welcome people into my home and I can make people feel special by blessing them with time and some lovingly-prepared food.
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My husband’s a great cook, so I’ll let him make the main dish or just grill in the backyard. I love to bake, so I’ll stick to dessert. The kids may be spirited, but they love to be included, so they can put together a fruit salad, set the table or make place cards or table decorations.
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It’s a start and we owe it all to Sandy.
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Sandy and her publisher, Bethany House, have graciously given a copy for me to give away! So, just answer my question(s) below and the book might be yours.
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UPDATE: Kristen from NG THINGS was randomly selected (via random.org) to receive the book – congrats, Kristen!
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What keeps you from entertaining? Or, if you’re already doing it, tell us what’s your favorite way to bless others through hospitality? Leave a comment here and one lucky, randomly-selected person will win a copy of Sandy’s book! If you tweet, or FB this, come back and tell me here and that will give you more entries. Winner will be selected at 10 p.m. (CST) on Friday, the 13th – and you thought that date wasn’t lucky!
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Just can’t wait for the giveaway? Buy the book here – this would make a beautifully thoughtful gift. A housewarming gift? Love it. Need a gift for a good friend? Pretty, practical … perfect.
[...] giving a copy away over at her place today. Check out Mela, singer, songwriter and speaker – HERE – for another chance to win! Like this post? Print, email or share [...]
I so want some help with entertaining, I used to like to do it but I don’t know what happened over the years! I think these days what keeps me from entertaining is thinking people won’t want to come… silly thought really but if they say no they can’t make it I take it personally and think they mustn’t like my company?!!!
I’d love a chance to win Sandy’s book
Very honest, Denise – that’s a concern I’ve had too – what if no one comes! It’s hard when we get caught up in the numbers game. I do that at events too – if this many people don’t show up, it’s not successful – but if just 1 person shows up and has had a meaningful experience, it’s been worth it. That’s what we’re striving for – giving someone else a moment to feel loved. Thanks for coming by.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mela Kamin and Sandy Coughlin, Sandy Coughlin. Sandy Coughlin said: RT @MelaKamin: I reviewed @SandyCoughlinRE book Reluctant Entertainer + a GIVEAWAY Come on over! My door's open. http://tinyurl.com/28r4laz [...]
I love having friends come for a meal and telling them to bring absolutely nothing when they ask what they can bring!
Cindy – That’s awesome that you have friends over to share a meal. You obviously take great care to make them feel special and taken care of.
What keeps me from entertaining? as shallow as it seems, its the condition of my house. The walls desperately need painting, the carpet needs replacing and the clutter has taken over and I let that be a barrier to enjoying whats really important.. the friendship and fellowship of enjoying a meal together.
Cathy – not shallow at all – just real … I’m right there with you. I’m trying to take baby steps, even if that means taking the hospitality TO someone sometimes, rather than opening up my home.
What keeps me from entertaining? Stuff… I feel as if there is stuff in and around the house, I feel as if the walls need to be painted, the house isn’t decorated enough, the piles of homeschool books laying around, just stuff…. I am trying so hard to let the “stuff” not get in the way of fellowship with family and friends. I know I have missed out on so many times to entertain, because I have allowed the “stuff” to get in the way. My prayer is to not sweat the “stuff” and enjoy friendships and fellowships this year.
~Yvette
Yvette – thanks for sharing – Yes, that’s my prayer too – to let the stuff go.
I’ll share what got me over my hurdle of wanting to entertain and feeling like my house was never clean or big enough to have people over… I invited a new neighbor over for lunch one day. Her family had relocated from Florida and they literally didn’t know a soul in town. About an hour before she came, I started making homemade muffins, yelled at my 3 kids to clean up their messes, and grumbled about how much work it was to make my house presentable.
Fast forward a couple years… this new neighbor is now a dear friend. She was recently reminiscing about this first visit… one I had simply forgotten over the years. She was saying how much it meant to her that I was willing to open up my house to her and her young children. She didn’t share (or remember) how clean my kitchen was (or wasn’t). She didn’t give me credit for those homemade muffins. She just was touched by feeling God’s love in the home of a stranger.
So the next time I’m tempted to pick up a broom or a scrubbie before that friend pops over, I remember what really matters…
Beautiful, Jennifer! Loved hearing this and it gives great encouragement … “she was touched by feeling God’s love in the home of a stranger.” wow!
I like to say that i love to entertain, and really I do. It’s just that for me life tends to get in the way and before I know it two weeks have past since my husband and I last said “we should have so and so over…”
I think I need to be more intentional and just do it.
I LOVE to entertain! I love to serve great food and spoil my guests. What I don’t love is the cleaning part of the preparation. My temperment is naturally low energy. And just the mere thought of how much energy it will take to do something will cause me not to do it! I know, crazy right! It’s not that I am lazy, because I CAN do it…it just takes a lot to get myself motivated to do…and to not wait until the very last moment to do it. Like…tomorrow for instance. We have Bible study here the 2nd and 4th Thursday of each month….I have known this for a long time, tomorrow all day is packed full of things I have to do outside of the home…so instead of working on my house, here I sit on the computer…and I will be up late getting things ready. It WILL all get done in the end. But at the last moment it usually comes down to the very millisecond before my guests arrive. ;o)
Janelle – you’re not alone – that’s me too. I’m a last-minute Sally and generally procrastinate because I don’t want to clean too far in advance – with 3 kids, it won’t stay clean. But, I need to get better at working backwards from the event and having other big things done, so I can still have time for last-minute essentials.
I love to entertain, am in the middle of cooking a birthday meal right now. I would love to have this book!
That’s great, Sheila! Happy Birthday to whoever you’re cooking for – enjoy!
I want everything to be perfect….I know it never will be. But I hope for the day when I am not afraid to entertain.
Denise – that’s where I was too. Once I apologized for the mess to one of my daughter’s friend. This very wise, well-raised 11 year old said, “I came to see YOU, not your house.” I try to remember that’s probably the case for everyone else too.
Mela– I so appreciate this post. I have the “perfection” issue and I’ve really been trying to work through it.
I love to have people over but found myself not doing so due to my “state of the house” insecurities. And when I did entertain, I would find myself so overwhelmed by the facade of perfection that I wasn’t enjoying the entertaining.
I’ve come to a place where my first priority is entertaining and letting others feel welcomed and even blessed by my lack of perfection, if you will.
Well said, Elena – “blessed by my lack of perfection” – I get that. It’s opening up and being real, which often leads to others feeling more comfortable and seeing their own possibilities of having people over. Our perfectionism can get in the way of fellowship and also create that same false need in our guests. Unfortunately cycle, isn’t it?
It was wonderful reading this banter about entertaining. I love the fellowship of having people over but the stress of getting ready can be over whelming.
Thanks for coming by, Sandra – this has been wonderful for me to read to – great encouragement from all of you. What I hope through this small exercise and what Sandy hopes through her book is that, although it’s overwhelming, that we don’t let that stand in our way. If we push past the fear, it will get easier – I think sometimes our plans get oversized and that leads to us feeling stressed. I’m all for going simpler – in many ways.
I have to admit that when other people’s homes look so together, I hesitate to invite people over to mine. We moved in two years ago, and in the interim had a baby. Our house is slowly becoming our home, but sometimes I get impatient for the process to be done!
Oh, I know, Kristen – I do that too – the comparison game is a lose-lose … we become jealous and insecure in what we have to offer. It’s hard to be patient when you just want the process done – we moved in 6 years ago and there’s still things we’d like to do!
In the hopes of “making my house perfect for entertaining”, I just had my house panelled with beadboard and it looks absolutely beautiful. However, I’m still not comfortable having company over for dinner. It terrifies me and I don’t know why! I’m praying that God will break me from that awful bondage which will allow me to see that others want to break bread with me, not my house! God bless the reluctant entertainer for allowing God to not only free her from her hospitality fears, but for also sharing with the rest of us that we, too, may someday entertain freely!!!!
Ana – so right – Amen and Amen!
Probably no one would realize it to look at me, but I am very shy – it is so hard for me to open up and extend myself to someone. I am trying to overcome my fears.
Sara – thanks for your comment here – I’m certain there are a lot of women who are shy like yourself. I think starting small is important whether you’re shy or very outgoing. Having one or two good friends over, who you can open up to might be a good way to ease into it.
I really do love to entertain yet, however I hesitate more times than I don’t. My husband isn’t much for socializing so, I limit the times we entertain for his sake. But after it’s all said and done, I know it’s all worth it! It’s a small testimony to my family to offer up of ourselves, the blessing comes when we do it with all our heart, selfless as servants of the Lord.
Beautiful, Tamrah – agreed.
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That’s a great idea, Jackie and I love that you expand it & bless others by welcoming new women! I think that’s often the hard part – we have our group & we don’t often let outsiders in. Thanks for sharing.