Mela Kamin – 4:10 Ministries

WELCOME is more about the smile on your face than the sign on your door.
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When Chris Ann & I met Sandy Coughlin, THE Reluctant Entertainer herself, at Blissdom, we were immediately put at ease. We dove into conversation and her warmth, inviting smile and genuine interest in what we were saying, made it so easy to share with her.
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We’ve kept in touch since Blissdom and I’ve marveled at how her blog, her writing, her home all reflect that same warmth I noticed when we first met.
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She’s become someone I truly admire, not for just WHAT she does, but HOW she does it.
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In every effort, she’s creative, generous and lovely.
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She contacted me back in the Spring to see if I’d be willing to partner with her on a giveaway of my CD. She wanted to do a Mother’s Day post, using inspiration from my song “These Hands.” I was honored and humbled to have been introduced to her faithful readers and friends.
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Not only was that a huge blessing to me personally, but she’ll often tweet, or email notes to me sharing her thoughts about my music, a specific song, or just a note to say hello. And, I look forward to each and every one of her blog posts. I’ve found her immensely helpful for someone like me who is largely disorganized and lacking important cooking skills and the confidence to entertain.
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It’s also been eye-opening for her perspective on the poison of perfectionism. In my music, my speaking and writing, I try to encourage others to use what they have right where they are. It’s interesting that I never took that same advice and applied it to entertaining in our home. I was still stuck in the “my house has to look a certain way for us to have people over” mindset. Or, the “when we get THIS done, THEN we can start entertaining.”
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You can imagine how excited I was when Sandy shared at Blissdom that she was in the process of having her book published. I was so excited for her and she beamed when she talked about the project.
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I’ve been following the progress, knowing from experience how much work it takes to publish something you’ve worked so hard on and poured yourself into. It’s no small task and there is so much behind-the-scenes work that no one ever sees. Going from a dream, to expectations of what we want it to be, and then seeing the finished product is all-at-once tremendous and terrifying.
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Cut to a week ago, and a stunningly beautiful book arrived in my mailbox. I love surprises, I love to read and I love Sandy – this was one awesome gift!
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Immediately, I knew the publishers and Sandy got it right. Everything about the book – its sleek, jacket-less outside, to its soft-lit photos, beautiful choice of fonts and lovely design work inside, pulled me right in. It had Sandy written all over it.
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I read 100 pages in my first sitting. I felt like I was sitting with a dear friend who was sharing her most prized advice for loving generously and graciously those around us.
And, I was.
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Sandy was right there on every page with her stories, inspiration and encouragement by the spoonful. It’s a book that speaks to you right where you are. It met me where I am and effortlessly cut through the old “this is the way you should do things.” She brings a fresh perspective to entertaining, shaped by Biblical wisdom, her Southern roots and her own life experiences.
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I’m about as reluctant as they come in regards to entertaining. I love the idea, but I’m horrible on the follow-through, which is why we hardly ever have people over. It’s too bad, really. I’m often focused on my mess and when we do plan something, it’s a mad scramble to get the place looking “good enough” to entertain. I put so much pressure on myself and my family that we’re often stressed out the whole day, leaving us worried about what others will think and exhausted from our self-induced pressure to perform.
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Sandy’s book couldn’t have come at a better time. We’re smack dab in the middle of Summer. Several times, I’ve thought about inviting our neighbors over, doing a progressive dinner or hosting a get-together for our kids’ classmates and their families. It hasn’t happened. For a couple in ministry, you’d think we’d be better at this.
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Admittedly, we have a lot going on – we have three kids … an 11-year old daughter, and 7 and 5 year old sons. Our children are spirited in every sense of the word. My house has lived to tell many tales. There are scuff marks, scratched and gouges in the once-shiny hickory pecan flooring. There are holes and dents in our Chrisp Khaki and Mississippi Mud walls. And, there are piles everywhere from our multi-tasking home: life, ministry, photography, motherhood, school, volunteering, hobbies, etc.
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But, Sandy put me at ease. Her gentle way of encouraging us to see beyond our insecurities and into the possibilities of connecting and fostering relationships, makes me want to do better. Aside from the obvious – have the neighbors over or invite friends for a game night – I’m thinking about our elderly neighbors who are WAY overdue for a visit, or the hard-working teachers who could use a meal every other week. What a wonderful idea!
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The book was filled with A-HA moments and it helped me to see the things I COULD DO, not what I couldn’t. That’s why I know it’s a book that will help reframe the way we do hospitality.
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We open our homes not to show off our stuff, but to make people feel good.
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Never have we had friends over and they’ve asked for a full tour of the house – no one has asked to see my closet, or look in our storage room. Not one friend has ever asked me to show the insides of my linen closet, the inhabitants of my junk drawer or to explain the amount of dust on the bookshelves. But, it doesn’t keep us from obsessing about it, does it?
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Sandy makes us see how silly that is, without shaming us. She puts her comforting arm around your shoulder and tells you it’s okay to let people in … into your home, into your life, into your struggles and into your circumstance. People are what’s important – not houses, or lamps or the latest this or that. Hopefully, when people come over, they’ll see I love the people in the house more than the house itself.
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I may still be reluctant, but I’m no longer terrified or stuck. I know now I can do it and in small ways, I can welcome people into my home and I can make people feel special by blessing them with time and some lovingly-prepared food.
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My husband’s a great cook, so I’ll let him make the main dish or just grill in the backyard. I love to bake, so I’ll stick to dessert. The kids may be spirited, but they love to be included, so they can put together a fruit salad, set the table or make place cards or table decorations.
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It’s a start and we owe it all to Sandy.
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Sandy and her publisher, Bethany House, have graciously given a copy for me to give away! So, just answer my question(s) below and the book might be yours.
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UPDATE: Kristen from NG THINGS was randomly selected (via random.org) to receive the book – congrats, Kristen!
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What keeps you from entertaining? Or, if you’re already doing it, tell us what’s your favorite way to bless others through hospitality? Leave a comment here and one lucky, randomly-selected person will win a copy of Sandy’s book! If you tweet, or FB this, come back and tell me here and that will give you more entries. Winner will be selected at 10 p.m. (CST) on Friday, the 13th – and you thought that date wasn’t lucky!
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Just can’t wait for the giveaway? Buy the book here – this would make a beautifully thoughtful gift. A housewarming gift? Love it. Need a gift for a good friend? Pretty, practical … perfect.

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So if you read my LONG proposal story I posted yesterday, you know how truly blessed I am to be married to Greg. With all the hoops he had to jump through and all the improv going on during our engagement night, he certainly proved himself to be resourceful, considerate and patient – terribly patient.
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When he asked me to marry him 13 years ago, I knew he was handsome, smart, charming, funny and loving, with a heart to help people and share his faith in his Savior. In fact, one of our first in-depth conversations in college, was about faith. And, we didn’t go to Bible college – oh NO – we were at a state school in Wisconsin. This was definitley NOT the norm.
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I’m not much surprised anymore when he does something unusually generous or selfless – it’s just his way. He’s always looking for a way to improve someone’s day, whether it’s a client he’s shooting for, the cashier at the grocery store, or one of our friends.
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When I’m trying to leave in a hurry from somewhere, or I’m caught in my own little world, he’s often having a conversation – really meeting someone, not just finding out their name. He is very intentional about leaving someone better than when he found them – if only to add just a smile or a good feeling.
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A few days ago, his instincts kicked in and knocked my socks off.
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I saw this tweet from Mishelle @secretagentmama:
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RT @fleurdeleigh: See what @kellymooreclark is giving away!
Be part of this “act of kindness” –> http://cot.ag/bSjF2i (RT @adoramaused)
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I’m often looking for ways to get in on blessing someone, like when my friend Chris Ann from LoveFeast Table & I “lovebombed” the ladies & kids at a local shelter. So I clicked on the link in the tweet, which was about a benefit to help a Mom.
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I clicked some more to dig deeper and was taken to this story about Robyn, a well-known photographer in Florida. Although I had never heard of her or her predicament before, I was sucked in by the story. I felt for her, her family and though we didn’t know each other, I wanted to help her.
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I thought about what it would be like if we had to leave our home and livelihood – what would we do and how would we get back up on our feet? How could Greg be a photographer without his equipment?
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I read the story to him, since he’s a full-time commercial photographer and freelance wedding photographer. I thought maybe he knew of some vendors or partners that could help her out.
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He one-upped my thought … and decided to help her himself.
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Without missing a beat, he said, “I have a lens for her.” He went into our storage room and pulled out a mint condition Nikon lens. I said, “Really? You would give that away?” He said, “Yea – I was going to eBay it, but I’d rather her have it.”
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I emailed Robyn to offer her the lens, if she in fact, shoots Nikon and could use it. She does and could.
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This was her response:
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I read this, blinked, rubbed my eyes, called my husband over to make sure I was reading what I was reading and I guess I’m still a little in shock. I just don’t know what to say other than THANK YOU so much! This came on the same day our insurance claim was finally denied once and for all, so the timing could not be more perfect.
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If this is something you truly want to do, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I will do everything in my power to pay this forward one day!
-Robyn

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I’m sending off the lens today and ask you to lift Robyn and her family up in prayer.
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I don’t generally brag about all the seen & unseen things we do to help others – it’s not about us … but this one was too good not to share – plus, I’m hoping someone else might be able to help Robyn. If you’d like to contribute financially, you can PayPal whatever you can to robyn@buttonsandbowsphotography.com. If you have other photography connections, please share her story.
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I’d love to hear how you have been blessed or have been a blessing to someone else. Let’s inspire others to go out of our comfort zones, use what we have and look for ways to leave people better than when we found them.
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Have you ever been the receiver of a random act of kindness? What are ways you or your family help others?

The Proposal (in the interest of full disclosure – I always wanted to say that – this post is LONG, but if you make it through, there’s a sweet giveaway you could win!)
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GIVEAWAY UPDATEUsing random.org, the comment selected was #1 – so Michelle M., who was the first to comment – over on Facebook – was chosen as the winner of the giveaway – congrats, Michelle! I’ll be sending you the book this week – enjoy!
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I love hearing engagement stories because often, they are romantic, they share a glimpse of a relationship, personal tastes and let you in on someone else’s life and story.
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This is my story – our story
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Today, I share it, because 13 years ago, he asked. I also share it because some days the fairy tale seems far away. Hurt feelings and misunderstandings cloud my memory of the good and the sweet.
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It’s always fun to remember, but especially on days when I don’t think he’s particularly generous or considerate – that on THAT day – that very important, life-defining day – he WAS.
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It was a Saturday in Venice, California. We had planned this trip to San Francisco for weeks. Greg was living in Venice at the time, working in the famed Frank Gehry binocular building for the renown ad agency Chiat/Day. I was living in L.A., doing PR for Sony PlayStation through its agency Fleishman-Hillard.
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I had never been in northern California and Greg knew how much I would love it. He had been there a few months earlier with our college friend/his roommate, Jeff. On that trip, Greg spied a spot he knew would be perfect.
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The morning of our trip, I woke up sick – sore throat, headache and general grumpiness. When I got to his apartment, I told him we probably shouldn’t go. He was less than pleased. He grabbed me some DayQuil and tried to convince me I’d feel better soon. I thought we could just postpone the trip until I felt better. He didn’t.
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For moral support and back-up, I called in the big guns … my Mom. I phoned my Mother more than 2,000 miles away in Wisconsin, so that she could tell me it was okay to cancel the trip.
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She told me to go.
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She told me to go? Yes. She said I’d be fine, to take some medicine and enjoy the trip.
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Who was this imposter posing as my sweet Mother?
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I called expecting her to let me off the hook and she tells me to go? What sick, twisted world had I woken up to?
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So, after some whining, I begrudgingly went along, tired, extra cranky now and dragging my feet, both figuratively and literally.
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I remember Greg telling me we were going to miss our train if I didn’t hurry up. I wasn’t particularly thrilled with his tone. I also wasn’t motivated to move faster; in fact, I may have moved slightly slower on purpose. I’m stubborn like that.
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We made it to the Amtrak station with just minutes to spare. We settled into our coast-side, private car and were on our way.
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Greg brought along snacks, drink and some music (on a portable CD player). I had my DayQuil and my attitude. We rolled along watching the gorgeous Pacific whiz past.
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My tiredness mixed with the medicine made for naptime. I’m not sure how long I was out, but I was missing the trip.
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Did I notice that the music playing was a mix of my favorite songs – of our favorite songs? No. Did I see the snacks, drinks, magazines and little extras he brought that were picked out with me in mind? Sadly – no.
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I was barely feeling up to dinner, so I ate a few bites of the probably-delicious Salmon, and returned to our car to sleep. The whole trip there was a blur, not just because we were zipping along the California coastline and ocean, but because I was out of it.
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We arrived late, grabbed a taxi and were dropped off at the Mark Hopkins Intercontinental Hotel on Nob Hill. It’s one of the best and most beautiful hotels in San Francisco with breathtaking views. The rooms are grand and gorgeous with dark cherry furnishings and warm walls.
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There were flowers on the desk when we arrived. I may have commented on their beauty before going to bed – I can’t recall.
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Did you catch that?
He had arranged to have flowers there when we arrived.
The card read …
Red roses because I love you.
Pink roses because I think you’re beautiful.
Yellow roses because I thank God for you.
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The next day, I awoke feeling only slightly better. We saw some of the quintessential San Fran sites – Fisherman’s Wharf, Pier 39, Coit Tower, the trolleys and the Golden Gate.

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I remember still being tired, feeling rather ugly and still very much crabby. My hair wasn’t working, I was having a hard time swallowing and I just wasn’t feeling like me.
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There was plenty of day left and lots more city to see, but we instead returned to the hotel so I could rest. I know – lame!
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But I didn’t know.
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When I got up, he asked me if I wanted to go dancing. I said No.
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Let me repeat that: I said No. This is coming from someone who repeatedly asked her boyfriend to go with her to dance lessons. He wouldn’t – too uncomfortable. But, he had researched a great swing dancing spot and I still said No.
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I rested up some more for dinner, the part of Greg’s itinerary I promised we’d follow through on. Luckily, for packing purposes, he had told me I’d need a nice dress, since we’d be eating out at a fancy restaurant. I had a long black, sleeveless dress with little white flowers on the top.
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I was in the bathroom, trying to do something – anything to my hair, which was being awfully uncooperative. I finally decided just to put it up and be done.
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Greg knocked on the door, asking me to help him with his tie. I think I rolled my eyes. I opened the door to find him wearing a tuxedo and a very big smile.
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I looked at him kind of sideways and strange and walked. right. by. I was still focused on myself and feeling out of sorts.
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I still didn’t know.
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When I later asked about the tux, he mumbled something about it being one year ago that I moved out to California to join him. We were celebrating that. It was, in fact, exactly a year to the day, and so, that was that.
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I still didn’t know.
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We went to dinner at Postrio, Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant on Post & 3rd St. The dinner was delicious and we had a yummy pie-like dessert with an almond biscotti crust.
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All through dinner, Greg was holding a medium-sized brown, paper sack. I asked him several times what was in the bag. He wouldn’t tell me – he said he’d show me later. I was intrigued, but …
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I still didn’t know.
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After dinner, we took a cab to the Palace of Fine Arts. I was completely mesmerized by the view. We hopped out and started walking down the grass to the sidewalk. It was so beautiful – so picture worthy … and that’s when I remembered …
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my camera was in my purse – in the back of the taxi – that JUST DROVE AWAY!
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Greg sprung into action and took off running down the street, jumping over a bush and turning down another street … in dress shoes and a tux. I kid you not – he ran several blocks in a heavily-cab-infested area – and found the exact one we were in. He stopped the driver and my purse and camera were still there. He returned very happy, slightly disheveled and completely out of breath.
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I was oblivious to what a major inconvenience that was to his plan, but he never let on and he never made me feel bad about it.
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We sat down on a park bench and enjoyed the view. The Palace of Fine Arts is stunning – old, historic, massive and magical. I was blown away. Swans swam by, in the lagoon, just as the sun was setting. It was straight out of a storybook.
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That’s when he pulled out the bag and asked me to open it.
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The package had a bit of heft to it and felt like a book. It was.
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It was our book – Advertising Media Planning – the textbook from the journalism class we met in at college.
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A year before, when I moved out to California, I wrote in the front cover how I felt about Greg. I knew at that moment he had written something to me. I was excited to see what it was. He wrote beautiful words, pledging his love to me.
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I was surprised, delighted, moved and felt very loved …
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But, I still. didn’t. know.
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I closed the book and gave him a kiss and hug. That’s when he told me there was more. It may have been the DayQuil, but I was thoroughly confused.
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He asked me to continue through the book. I couldn’t imagine why. I slowly flipped the pages, trying to figure out what was next. I turned to the last chapter in the Table of Contents – The Future – and that’s when I finally knew.
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He had meticulously hollowed out the book to fit a small, black, velvet box. He took out the box, sunk to one knee, opened the box and through tears, asked me to marry him.
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In that moment, I was shocked and filled both with excitement for the future and regret for being sick and crabby.
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I didn’t know, but now I did.
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And, it all made sense …
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Why my Mom told me to go on the trip – SHE KNEW
Why he didn’t want us to be late – HE HAD A PLAN
Why the soundtrack on the train – TO SET THE MOOD
Why there were flowers in the room – TO SET THE STAGE
Why the tux – THE COSTUME TO DEFINE THE MOMENT
Why the big package – TO KEEP ME GUESSING
Why the book – TO WRITE OUR STORY
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I trembled, I cried, I smiled … I said YES!
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As passersby clapped and cheered, Greg slipped the ring on my finger and we laughed about the events leading up to this moment.
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We went back to the hotel, which I now saw in a new light. The flowers – I now stopped to smell them and re-read the card. We called our parents, who were all home, praying and waiting, knowing this evening would be like no other.
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Oh, they had NO idea.
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What I cherish about this day’s memory with its crazy antics and my attitude throwing a wrench in his beautiful itinerary, is that he thought about it – he REALLY thought about it.
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Sure, he could’ve said, “Hey you wanna get married?” as we were walking down the boardwalk in Venice. But he didn’t just think about the asking – he thought about how it would look, sound, smell, taste and feel to be asked.
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As an added bonus, when we talked to my parents, I found out that not only did Greg ask for their permission, but he Fed-Ex’d them a video of him asking for their blessing (since we were 2,000 miles away). When a phone call would have done the job, he thought about how my parents would feel seeing his face, asking them.
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He let me see the video, where he sat in a Santa Monica park on a day when I thought he was working, and videotaped himself talking to my parents. He told them of his plan to surprise me and asked them for their blessing.
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He didn’t have to and I still would’ve said yes. He didn’t have to because my parents were already crazy about him and would still have been happy.
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But he asked, he took the time – in fact, he sat for hours, doing take after take, trying to say the right words, while dogs, runners and loud cars messed up the video. We watched the outtakes – the times he flubbed his “lines,” got frustrated with the sun, or the noisy traffic and dogs … watched as he put his effort, his love for me and my parents – his whole heart onto film.
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I didn’t know … and I’m SO glad.
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Whew! If you read this far, let me first congratulate you and now ask you to stand and stretch your legs. I don’t want to be responsible for eye or leg strain.
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Now it’s your turn. Do you have a memorable engagement story or a trip that didn’t go as planned? Leave a comment, tweet or Facebook this post and you will be entered in a giveway. One person will be randomly selected to receive this great book Plan B by Pete Wilson, a Pastor at CrossPoint Church in Nashville. I think it’s fitting since Greg’s plans certainly didn’t turn out how he thought they would. You have until midnight (CST) on Friday, August 6th, 2010 to enter.
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Pete’s book, Plan B – What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up the Way You Thought He Would?, is awesome and filled with great Biblical wisdom. I guarantee you will find something in it that really speaks to where you’re at. I read through it in two sittings. I was so taken with the information and how he presents it, I bought an extra copy to give away to a lucky one of you!