Mela Kamin – What I Say in between Songs

I started with just one intention a year ago (to write a song), then one song, one performance, one meeting with a producer, one trip to Nashville, one CD sale and so on. Often, the starting is the hard part, though. We can see what we need to do or see a dream out in front of us, but taking the first step to get there, is the difficult part – especially if it flies in the face of what we’ve always done.

It’s easy to see, once we take that step, that we’re closer to our goal. But, tell that to someone who is frozen in fear – like I was . . . insecure and doubting my abilities. Even after writing more than 30 songs and getting to work in Nashville on the rewrites and collaboration with talented musicians, I panicked. I was on the plane returning home and a fear rose up in me. I suddenly felt way over my head.

As any writer would do, I decided to put my feelings to paper, as a form of catharsis. I was just talking to God, telling him exactly how I felt. I was comparing myself to Bible heroes – people I couldn’t fathom ever going through a bout of second-guessing where they needed to be. And, I guess deep down I knew they had, but I still felt beneath them – unworthy to be following Jesus. Why was I chosen to do this and was I really cut out for ministering to others through music? “Start with One” came out almost all at once – melody and all. I came home, recorded it on my snowball mic and sent it off to Carl & Dan. I almost held my breath, wondering what they would think of it. Was it just a silly writing exercise, a nice poem, or could this be my song?

The next time I heard it from them, it was a full-fledged song. They tweaked a verse, added a beautiful bridge – most of the words and melody were just as I had written. I had to call them back after listening to it – it moved me that much. It’s my personal song about feeling unqualified, but it’s everyone’s song too.

At the heart of it is the realization that we can all do/be/give enough, if we just start with one.

1 Peter 4:10 says “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” (NIV)

I love how God puts that. We all have unique gifts to use to serve others. Grace can be shown in “various forms.” That’s a relief – there isn’t one right answer. Each situation, opportunity, person and conversation is going to be different. As long as we are adhering to the truths of the Bible – showing love to one another, reaching out to help, being a cheerful giver, there are endless ways to plant a seed of hope, joy or peace. There are countless ways to tell someone about the hope you have in Jesus. The Holy Spirit tends the soil, waters it and keeps it nourished, growing it over time. We are responsible for the planting – not whether it will produce fruit or not. Share what you know and give what you have. And, just start with one.

I had been asking God that question more and more, as I began to no longer see the safe confines of my comfort zone. He was leading me into new areas, testing my faith and my abilities.

When I started listening to His whisper and felt His leading, I started to get nervous. Could He be serious? Could He really want me to do this? Was I brave enough, confident enough, crazy enough to take the leap of faith?

Let’s face it –I’m cautious and usually play it safe. I like to know how deep it is before I jump in. I don’t mind the jumping – I just prefer to have the facts before I make the decision. I don’t do spontaneous. Spontaneity is for those who have nothing to lose, who are so comfortable with themselves, that the thought of doing something out of the ordinary, is thrilling. That is not me. I purposely order the same thing at restaurants or even go out of my way to choose the same restaurants, to avoid potential bad experiences. Even if another dish would taste better, I’d prefer to take the one I’ve already experienced – if I enjoyed it; it’s my new, and for all intensive purposes, my future favorite. I like the chopped chicken salad at Pei Wei for instance and I could eat it (and for the record, have eaten it) every time I go there. I like predictable – I am predictable.

I figure it isn’t worth the risk. Now, I’m sure like with a lot of people, I wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t a daredevil by any means, but as a child, I guess I wasn’t as easily frozen by fear, as I am now. Of course, it could be maintained that I engaged in an activity, only after seeing if my older brother could do it first. That’s probably more accurate. And, I was raised in a household, where girl or boy, you are good at everything – you just do it! I wanted to be my older brother. He was fast and strong and could throw, kick, catch and hit. I was the only girl on the little league baseball team. Later on, he was the star running back in football and ended up being a state champion pole vaulter. How’s that for risk taker? He even broke his wrist when the wind swept him far over the pit and smacked him on the concrete. By that time in my life, I think some of the wanting to be him, had worn off – or at least, I was in high school and it was more important to have sprayed your hair into a wall of curls, than to win a track medal. Just for the record, though, I have plenty of those too.

So, somewhere between adolescence and first dates, I decided I needed proof of pay-off before I would partake. That’s definitely not a faith thing. Faith is believing even when you can’t see. I get that now, but it’s taken me 30-some years to get here. This is the first time I’m putting it into practice. Still, I have moments where I wonder if it’s just crazy, delusions of grandeur that have me in this position.

Stay tuned for more from “FIGHTING OFF FEAR TO FIND GOD’S FAVOR,” the new blook (blog book) from contemporary Christian artist, Mela Kamin.

That's the place I conquered my fears.

I returned home yesterday, after five days of recording vocals in Nashville. WHEW! It was an intense week, to say the least. A couple weeks ago, I worked with Carl to get vocals done on 4 songs. That left us a daunting 8 more this time. My competitiveness made me certain we would do it and I’m happy to say, we did . . . it was challenging, especially one song in particular, we tackled on Thursday. But, we took a break, hung in there and eventually got it recorded. Listening back over everything we did, I’m astounded with the results. I know I gave it my all and I owe Carl & Dan so much for their patience and encouragement.

Thursday evening, after an exhausting session, I felt very defeated and had to remind myself (after some tears and prayers) that I’ve come SO far. This is all a new experience for me and I have to keep that perspective to realize the magnitude of what I’m accomplishing. I’ve let the faith of God rise up in me. This isn’t something I could ever have done on my own. He made it possible and continues to give me a voice and the enthusiasm to use it for His glory.

Dan & Carl made me laugh, made me try harder and made me grateful each day to be working with them. God surely made a way where there seemed to be no way. He opened wide the door when the idea of recording was just a blip of a dream. Now, I’m one step closer to releasing my album. Praise God!